Hating Perpetrators Does Not Protect Children

Hating perpetrators is easy.

Someone sent me a link to a short video of some man speaking about how important it is for dad’s to be seen as threatening. The man claims that this is how to protect children from pedophiles. Make sure that everyone sees you (dad’s) in your child’s life and knows that you are a threat.

I did a double take in the parking lot yesterday. Somebody had a decal on their truck that said something about pedophiles.

I couldn’t remember what the decal said, so I did an internet search for ‘decals about hating pedophiles’. I didn’t find the one I was looking for, but there sure were a lot of options for spreading hateful and threatening messages.

The Chronicle Herald recently reported that the RCMP were intervening in a small community where an accused human trafficker is living. Too many people were driving by the neighbourhood, slowing down, and looking to spot where exactly this accused trafficker is living. The RCMP said they will not tolerate vigilante behaviour.

Hating perpetrators is easy.

But it doesn’t do our children any good.

I asked the person who shared the video link with me what they thought the man meant by being ‘threatening’? I presume, based on the man’s tone and demeanour that he was talking about being a physical threat.

And that is in alignment with the industry of decals that threaten violence against people who harm children.

I haven’t seen any evidence that suggests that hating anyone and threatening them with violence helps protect children.

What I HAVE seen is evidence that best practices like screening staff and volunteers, and minimizing opportunities by eliminating one on one situations, and providing prevention training that teaches the facts about child sexual abuse for staff, are the actions we can take to protect children.

While the big, strong man in the video who promotes being a threat strongly implies being a ‘physical threat’, the truth is that people are far more threatened by ADVOCACY.

I often refer to several instances when I have taken extra steps to protect my children in situations where I see that best practices are missing, and when I have observed troubling behaviours that put children at risk.

In EVERY situation where I have advocated, I have been perceived as a threat.

After speaking to my child’s classroom teachers about how my child has reported feeling unsafe at school, I was scolded for my ‘inappropriate’ behaviour.

At parent-teacher day, I spoke to each of my child’s teachers and asked for their input. I asked, “What do you think the problem is? Why do you think my child doesn’t want to be at school anymore?” I was genuinely interested to know how they perceived the circumstances.

One week later I received an email from the principal indicating that my conversations with the teachers was inappropriate. My advocacy efforts were characterized as an attack on the teachers.

Threatening anyone with hate does not protect children.

It’s easy to do. And it’s easy to find support (and decals). But it doesn’t serve children.

Protecting children by advocating for their rights and advocating for prevention practices is difficult.

It’s not easy, and it’s not easy to find support.

But it’s what needs to be done.

Last night we trained 17 more adults to prevent, recognize and react appropriately to child sexual abuse.

None of the best practices we learned about involve sharing messages of hate.

We learned that we can use our voices to protect children. We can advocate for more training and best practices.

We can start conversations about safeguarding children. We can talk about this with our children, with other adults, and within our spheres of influence.

As more adults become trained, there will be more people advocating for prevention practices. More people advocating, means that it will become normalized.

Instead of feeling attacked by my efforts to keep kids safe, adults who are trained are more likely to work together to protect children.

Instead of encountering organizations that are defensive about their policies, we will find more organizations that understand that policies are living documents that constantly need to be revisited, reviewed, and revised.

Advocating for prevention practices and prevention training are the best ways we know of to protect children.

I am so pleased that 17 more adults have joined our movement to eradicate childhood sexual abuse.

Working together, we can make the changes that will better protect children.

If you are involved with an organization that serves children, I hope you will connect with us to revisit, review, and revise your prevention practices.

Register today for our free Walk the Talk service. We’ll will help you look at the policies and practices you count on to help keep kids safe. We will help you identify what you are doing that protects kids from sexual abuse, and we will make some suggestions to help you better protect children.

If our suggestion that there might be room to ‘better’ protect children feels like an attack, register anyway. Our goal is to support your organization. We will not attack you. We will protect your privacy.

Some organizations are doing great. Some organizations are just starting out. Some organizations aren’t sure if they are doing great or not.

Wherever your organization is in its policy development, there is ALWAYS room to better protect children.

Please accept this opportunity to find out what ‘better’ might look like in your organization.

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please seek support.

Where to Get Help in Nova Scotia
Call 211
Kids Help Phone Call 1-800-668-6868