Conversations that Keep Kids Safe

In a world that does not prioritize child safety, our conversations with children about child sexual abuse might be the most important defense we provide.

There are many things that adults can do to protect children from sexual abuse. But the reality is that many adults don’t know what those things are and they don’t know how to do them.

Collectively, we still don’t talk about child sexual abuse very much, and most people don’t realize how frequently it occurs. It is a silent epidemic.

We need to end the silence so that we can end the epidemic. You are invited to join us for a free 45-minute mini course, Talking with Children About Safety from Sexual Abuse, live on Zoom on Thursday, January 9 2025 at 6:45 pm (Atlantic).

While best practices exist, and adults could be protective agents by implementing these best practices, the reality is that many youth-serving organizations are run by adults who are not equipped to prevent, recognize or react responsibly to child sexual abuse.

And that makes your relationship and conversations with children an incredibly important part of protecting kids.

But what does a protective conversation with children sound like?

Back in my childhood, it sounded a lot like,

‘Don’t take candy from strangers’

And

‘Don’t get into someone else’s vehicle’

Stranger Danger is still a common form of advice given to children, even though studies have shown us that more than 90% of children are abused by someone that they and/or their family knows and trust.

This fact, that a child is most at risk from a loved and trusted person, rather than a stranger, means that the staple advice about candy and vehicles doesn’t apply to most cases of abuse.

Learning the facts about child sexual abuse, which we do in our prevention training, helps adults recognize that our conversations with children need to be modified.

One concern that often comes up in our training sessions is that caring adults don’t want to instill fear in children, and adults don’t want to be distrustful of friends, family, and other adults in the community.

I get it.

So how do we balance the truth about child sexual abuse with our need to be in trusting and healthy relationships?

In my experience, it’s been a journey that has evolved as my children have grown up.

I never wanted to cause my kids to be fearful of a trustworthy adult, but I let them know that adults are not that different than children.

Adults can make mistakes.

Not all adults are safe.

Even adults who want the very best for children might not realize that a particular situation puts children at risk.

These are sentiments that I taught my children as they grew up.

It’s very different from the widely conveyed messages that teach children to always respect, always listen to, and always obey adults.

This blanket demand for children to trust adults could make it difficult for children to recognize when they have been mistreated, and difficult to come forward to report their experiences.

If our narrative never includes the possibility that an adult could harm a child, then it can be even more confusing for a child when it occurs.

As an advocate for eliminating one-on-one situations, my kids are acutely aware when teachers, coaches, volunteers and other parents inadvertently (or otherwise) allow a one-on-one situation to occur.

It happens frequently, and my kids know that most of the time, the adult who has allowed this situation to occur is not a bad or dangerous person.

But they also know that ‘one-on-one’ is a risky situation.

That’s something that I have emphasized to my growing children as they became teenagers and adults.

I want them in safe situations, even if they trust the person. Even if I trust the person.

Our conversations with children must be dynamic and ongoing if we are going to help protect them.

Talk About It is Step 3 of Stewards of Children’s 5 Steps to Protecting Our Children™.

Learning how to speak with children about safety from sexual abuse is a process and a journey.

Join us for this mini-course, Talking with Children about Safety from Sexual Abuse live on Zoom on Thursday, January 9 2025 at 6:45 pm (Atlantic) to learn more about how to speak and listen to children effectively.

Whether you are a pro at difficult conversations, or a rookie looking for a place to start, anyone who has children in their life is welcome to attend. Talking with each other about protecting children will help prepare us to talk with children about keeping them safe.