Kids Need to Be Protected: Even From Dentists

Written By Angela Johnston

A few days ago we saw an online post describing a child’s horrific experience with a dentist. The single post quickly circulated and the stories of abuse over many decades have started to pour out.Today, the Chronicle Herald is reporting that the dentist’s license is suspended. We are starting to hear from people whose need for a dentist resulted in experiencing violence and long lasting physical and emotional wounds.

Abuse is Complex

Abuse has a cascading impact that is difficult to understand. Part of the reason it is so complicated is because abuse impacts the way that the mind works, and the working mind is (typically) how we make sense of the world we live in. When abuse occurs, our nervous system is engaged for survival support and when the nervous system takes the wheel, our thoughts become more like a passenger or backseat driver. And that is not how we typically understand ourselves in relationship to our experiences. We are used to thinking that our thoughts have the lead role. Abuse is complex.Are you familiar with the #believeher campaign? It came to mind when I read a comment about the dentist from a parent whose children complained (years ago) that this dentist was mean to them and hurt them. The parent admitted that they did not listen to the children. They did not believe.That’s a difficult admission. I am grateful that the parent was open about that because it helps us to know that we are not alone in not believing. Abuse is complex. That is one of the reasons that this dentist was able to harm so many people over such a long period of time.It's too easy to judge a parent for not believing a child who complains about an adult being hurtful. This particular parent showed courage and vulnerability to acknowledge that they did what so many others did. They didn’t listen. They didn't believe.There is a reason that #believeher is a campaign. We need to be taught to listen and believe. When someone tells us a story about ANYTHING that is surprising or unexpected, it is common for us to respond with an aghast, “NO!”.It’s our first reaction. “No, he didn’t really say that!?”, “Oh no she didn’t!?” Our instinctive response starts with disbelief. And often, it ends there.We could dive back into the complex way that the brain responds to trauma and abuse to explain how and why denial and disbelief has a default role in our reactions, but let’s not get swallowed up in the trauma vortex.Let’s look at why #believeher is a campaign in the first place. There are people who understand the nuances of trauma, human behaviour, resiliency and recovery at PhD levels. And there are people who are working to influence human behaviour to help us choose adaptive reactions that support recovery and help us avoid or transform the intergenerational habits of trauma that our humanity is seeped in.It is academic understanding that leads to campaigns like #believeher. Because it is known and understood and well documented that our instincts often encourage us to not believe.

Sometimes our instincts are good, and sometimes they are not.

Not believing may have a short term positive impact of avoiding discomfort. A parent who doesn’t believe a child who complains about a dentist's behaviour does not have to figure out how to respond. Who do they complain to? How do they complain? Will they be believed? What will happen? And for today’s generation, the thought of having to speak to someone on the phone or in person is in itself a deterrent.Not believing allows adults to avoid all the uncertainty.And that’s why we need to be taught to believe and we need to be taught to listen. We must accept that our instinct to avoid discomfort is creating greater harm.We can all share in the shame of knowing that this dentist could harm so many people over such a long period of time without being held accountable. This is not an individual problem. It is a community problem. It is a social problem. Think about how many people this dentist encountered and worked with over the past decades. This abuse was not the result of one person who turned a blind eye. This occurred because we have collectively supported inaction. Abuse is complex. Denial is natural.

We Can Disrupt Abuse and Protect Children

At Priority Kids we have chosen to be very specific about they type of abuse that we focus on preventing and very specific about the actions we take to prevent childhood sexual abuse.Even though we are specific about teaching adults to protect children from sexual abuse, our training has the ability to prepare adults to prevent all kinds of abuse.Including the type of abuse that this dentist was able to carry out.When I walk into our dentist’s office with my children and I sit in the office chair next to them while they are having their teeth cleaned, it isn’t because I suspect the dentist of doing harm. I stay with them because I know the facts:

34% of children in Canada are sexually abused before the age of 1890% of sexually abuse children are abused by someone that they and their family know and trust80% of sexual abuse occurs in isolated one on one situations

With this knowledge and with these facts, I recognize that many of the situations that are acceptable in our society pose a significant and unnecessary risk to children.Leaving a child alone in a room with a person in power; a teacher, a priest, a scout leader, a dentist, a coach. These situations pose a significant risk.Sometimes adults think that this sounds overwhelming. Sometimes adults think that it isn’t possible to avoid these risky situations. ‘NO, those situations are not as risky as you say’. ‘NO, we can’t watch kids all the time’. ‘No, sexual abuse isn’t as common as you are suggesting’.Sound familiar? That's the sound of denial driving our instincts again.I wouldn’t be raising awareness of protecting children if I thought we couldn’t do it.When we promote child sexual abuse prevention, we know that there is discomfort. But we also know that the solutions are much simpler than most people would believe. We don’t ALL have to hover over children and follow them into every office. We don’t have to distrust adults with authority and power. The extraordinary measures that I take (like being with my kids at all medical appointments) will not be necessary when protecting kids from abuse becomes a priority for everyone.I follow my kids right up to the dentist chair because I don't see the best practices that keep kids safe being utilized. I take ALL responsibility for keeping them safe from abuse (to the best of my ability) because I don't see others taking steps to keep them safe.  Children are at risk because adults are in denial.

We Need to Know that Some People do Harm Children

Many children are being harmed. Abuse creates a complex wound that is difficult to recover from. Not impossible, but difficult. It is time consuming, energy draining and expensive.At moments like this, when a dentist is being called out for abuse, and stories that are decades old are being believed for the first time, we have a chance to make a change.

Take LISTENING to a New Level

In a few days or weeks this story won’t be top of mind, but we can do something now that will be lasting.We can start to LISTEN as though we believe. Even if you don’t believe. Even if you’re first reaction is ‘NO, that’s not true,’ or ‘NO, it can’t be’, you can take your disbelief and set it to the side and keep listening as though you DO believe.Think about the number of people who would have been spared long lasting emotional pain if the first few complaints against this dentist were taken seriously.Think about the number of children who would have been spared abuses in the Catholic Church.Think about the number of children who would have been spared abuses in the Boy Scouts.the gymnaststhe swimmersthe skiiersthe studentsthe childrenOne of the reasons that it can be so difficult for adults to believe is the uncertainty about what comes next.That’s why we offer training that teaches adults how to prevent, recognize and react responsiblyto childhood sexual abuse. Knowing how to react responsibly helps adults to feel confident. When adults feels confident about responding to sexual abuse, that confidence will be with them in responding to other kinds of abuse.Are you confident that you know how to react responsibly when a child tells you that someone has mistreated them? Do the staff and volunteers who work with kids in your community feel confident that they will know how to respond?If you would like to find out more about how our training can help prepare adults to prevent situations like this, please contact us to discuss the next steps we can take to protect children.Let's Continue the Conversationto Keep Kids Safe

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Angela Johnston
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