I Asked a Tough Question and Thought it Might Kill Me
Talking about sexual abuse prevention is a great way to increase safety for kids.
In a previous post, I quoted Association of Alberta Sexual Assault Services’ (AASAS) CEO, Deb Tomlinson's important statement about talking with children about sexual abuse. Here is what Global News' printed,
“There’s a lot that parents can do,” Tomlinson said. “They can talk to their children about child sexual abuse in an age appropriate way, they can teach them about consent, they can teach them the proper names for their body parts.”
Here at Priority Kids, we support and encourage parents and caregivers to talk about sexual abuse with kids in an age-appropriate way. Our training is an excellent starting point for parents and caregivers. It provides encouragement and motivation for adults that are already engaged in raising awareness of child sexual abuse prevention.
We also encourage people to talk about sexual abuse with youth-serving organizations.
Talking with adults is an important way to raise awareness and build a community of safety for children.
Over the past decade, I have been practising talking about sexual abuse prevention with organizations that serve my own children.
It might sound simple, it might be simple to type it out, but it has rarely felt simple to start the conversation.
In the spring of 2018, I attended a high school parent orientation evening. I listened to the principal speak about what was in store for our children who would be entering high school the next year. The topic of safety came up as there had been a recently reported school shooting in the USA.
Gun violence is pretty low on my list of concerns, but it was clearly a concern for some parents. As the conversation progressed I realized that I had to follow through on what I teach and encourage.
I raised my hand in an auditorium full of my neighbours and I asked the difficult question,
What do you have in place to keep our kids safe from sexual abuse?
One of the reasons that it is hard for me to ask this question is because I (usually) already know the answer. As a prevention advocate I get to help people learn about the best practices that keep kids safe.
Screen employees and volunteers- complete background checks
Code of Conduct, describing acceptable behaviours
Monitor Behaviour
Ensure Safe Environments
Respond to inappropriate behaviour, breaches in policy, disclosures and suspicions
Prevention training for employees, volunteers, parents and caregivers, and youth
When those things are in place, it is usually easy to spot them. When they are not in place, it is even easier to spot.
So, part of the reason it is difficult to ask this question is because I know that I am putting someone who is unprepared, on the spot in front of others. And despite my affinity for difficult topics, I don’t enjoy causing people discomfort.
Sometimes when I ask this question, people are caught off-guard and they struggle to put words together. I'll give the principal credit for complete sentences.
However, when he finished his response with ‘you just have to trust me’, it was clear to me that their prevention strategy was not based on best practices.
His response did not surprise me. What really surprised me during that experience was the fact that I nearly had a heart attack while I listened to the answer.
Immediately after I asked the question, my heart started to beat so fast and so loud that I thought it might break.
I had to practice self-management techniques, grounding my feet into the floor and noticing my breathing and telling myself I was (going to be) okay.
Just from asking that question in a room full of my neighbours.
And again, I am a professional in the field of child sexual abuse prevention.
I enjoy public speaking.
I was very surprised to be having this physical reaction. It was an eye-opener for me and helped me to realize just how difficult it can be for individuals to call attention to this difficult subject.
Eventually my heart returned to its normal rhythm. And while my heart might have taken a beating, I can feel good about doing something that is going to have a lasting impact.
I asked a question that most of my neighbours have never heard someone ask.
In fact, the principal said,
“That’s a good question. No one has ever asked that before.”
Did my question lead to a greater understanding of sexual abuse? Probably not.
The principal wasn’t able to educate his audience because he does not understand the issue, and I wasn’t in a position to offer specific information as I was still settling my heart and hoping I wouldn’t be leaving in an ambulance.
But what I did accomplish was to say the words out loud in a public space so that all of the adults would know that at least one person in the room was thinking about protecting kids from sexual abuse.
And that’s a start.
If you work for or run a youth-serving organization, has anyone asked you about your organization’s sexual abuse prevention practices? How did you respond? Were you surprised by the question or are you prepared to tell other adults about the steps you take to protect children from sexual abuse?
At Priority Kids, we offer a free service to help youth serving organizations prepare personalized responses to the question, ‘What do you have in place to protect children from sexual abuse?’. Register to Walk the Talk so we can help you prepare your organization’s response.
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If the content of this article causes you distress or discomfort, please seek support.
Where to get help in Nova Scotia
Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868