My Best Basketball Story Ever: Recovering from Being Triggered

Some years ago I was finishing a full day of work- jam packed with facilitation, community collaboration, engagement, and trauma discussions.

It was an emotionally exhausting day that was full of triggers.

The moment about that day that I remember most clearly, is the moment when I recognized my resilience.

I was frustrated and drained. Things were feeling bleak. The day felt unsuccessful and incomplete. And I had a 2.5 hour drive home to think about it.

But what happened was this…

I was driving along and suddenly I remembered a glory moment from my final year playing high school basketball.

I smiled to myself, because it’s a pretty good story, and then I just started to remember all the details of my glory story.

Picture it, Brampton, 1996. It was the last game of the regular season. My team had been undefeated in regular season games for the previous 4 seasons. This year, we had lost one game in regular season, and this was our last chance to secure our familiar first place finish.

Our school offered to let students to leave class to attend our game. The gym was packed with students. All the bleachers were out, and there wasn’t even any standing room left.

The roar of cheering vibrated through the gym and made it impossible to speak without screaming and made hearing each other nearly impossible.

We won the tip off and with two quick passes we scored an easy lay up. The cheering was insane. The other team passed the ball into play and we applied a full court press, stole the ball and scored another easy layup.

The cheering was deafening.

The other team was pulling themselves together and started to mount a defence. We passed the ball around, looking for an opening, a way to get the ball in the net.

My defender dropped too far back from me and left me at the 3-point line. Back in those days, 3 pointers were pretty uncommon in girls basketball.

But on this day, the ball was passed into my hands. And I looked at the net and made the decision to take the 3-point shot, just as the fans shouted ‘THREE’… encouraging me to take the shot.

SWISH

In those days, girls were generally discouraged from shooting 3’s. Not many girls could shoot reliable three pointers, and missing a 3 pointer often results in a turnover, which gives the other team a chance to score.

But we were up, and the momentum was in our favour. And I was pretty good at 3-pointers.

SWISH

It was INSANE. Kids were jumping up and down all over the bleachers… slamming their feet against the floor… smacking hands and books against the walls.

And through this madness the other team was inbounding the ball again.

And we stole it again.

And it was passed out to me on the 3-point line. Again.

SWISH. AGAIN.

Of course the whistle was blown. The other team was calling a time out, trying to disrupt our momentum and pull themselves out of their slump.

But they never had a chance.

They rallied back later in the game, but we always had a comfortable lead. The intensity never decreased.

My team was in the zone. We were reading each other, intercepting passes, making great plays, taking great shots.

It was a phenomenal way to finish my regular season high school basketball career.

And as I sat in my car, 20-ish years later, driving home from a challenging day with filled with frustration, I finished enjoying the details of my glory story.

And I thought to myself.. “it’s been a while since I’ve thought about that’.

And I wondered, “what made me think of that game?’

And then I realized that this story was my antidote for the day. It was medicine.

As I remembered this glory story… thought about the crowd, the swish, the cheering… as the details surfaced in my mind, the feelings of success, of being celebrated, acknowledged, victorious… my feelings had shifted.

This is resilience.

I was having uncomfortable feelings from a day of misunderstandings and to shake it off, a memory of success manifested itself. I didn’t use a technique to prompt myself to ‘remember a time when I experienced success’. I wasn’t even trying to change my feelings. I was just sitting in my car with my frustration, and this memory emerged.

I spent time on the details of the memory. I smiled to myself remembering how the crowd had called for a three just as I took the shot. It was highlight reel material. And in my car, I smiled. And felt proud.

And when I recognized that this had all occurred without any kind of intentional intervention, when I recognized my natural resilience… I felt even more pride.

Good for me for being resilient, and for noticing!

This memory is a resource that I have that can help me shift my feelings when I am struggling.

That memory showed up for me when I needed to be reminded of feeling successful.

Thank goodness I have memories like this.

Thank goodness we have community organizations, volunteers, coaches, and teachers who help craft opportunities like my glory story, so that our children can strengthen their resilience.

Whether the glory story is a sports game, a science experiment, a math test, an art piece, or participating in a fun activity with friends, we all need to experience success, accomplishment, recognition and be celebrated.

And what a shame it is when these experiences that could build resilience become complicated by the presence of child sexual abuse.

Would my glory story provide me with the same comfort if I had been sexually abused by my coach?

Would my memory have brought me joy if it was complicated with memories of abuse?

This is why it is imperative that we make every effort to provide youth with opportunities to be successful, to shine, to thrive, to be celebrated, without the risk of sexual abuse.

I was treated well by my basketball coach. But not every child is as lucky.

Think about the boy scouts, the alter boys, the gymnasts, the hockey players, the campers and camp staff. We know that 34% of children experience sexual violence and these activities are just a few of the places where we know that many children have experienced abuse.

Kids who were abused have had their memories complicated. Abuse is interwoven in their experiences. Their glory moments may not be as easily available to provide comfort, joy and resilience.

The work of recovery can untangle the abuse from those memories so that they can provide and support resilience. But it takes a lot of work. A lot of time. And a lot of effort.

I am grateful for adults who strive to support children in their growth and development. There are some wonderful adults in our communities who recognize how important it is for children to experience success and recognition.

But so often when we provide these opportunities, we are also providing opportunities for perpetrators to access children.

Well-intentioned adults put a lot of time into organizing, arranging, coordinating, fundraising and promotion. So much time goes into these details that when they hear about a training that helps keep kids safe from sexual abuse, they don’t always see the value.

They see it as something that takes time they don’t have, and costs money that they need for something else.

As advocates for protecting children, we can help encourage these adults to recognize that protecting children from sexual abuse does not get in the way of delivering programs and services. Keeping kids safe is not a nuisance.

Our training has been tested around the world and is proven effective. Adults who are trained are more likely to take action to keep kids safe, and are more likely to respond when they see signs that a child is being harmed.

When I was driving home, frustrated by a day of miscommunications, misunderstandings, and lack of progress, I had a glory story to help me shake it off.

Our training does not leave people feeling frustrated.

People leave our training feeling optimistic and encouraged. We come together to discuss a difficult topic, and we do it successfully. We approach a topic that seems overwhelming, and we learn simple steps we can take. Studies have shown that adults who take our training go on to take the steps to keep kids safe.

Do you know what that means? It means that taking this training can become part of your resilience. It's a glory story waiting for you to participate.

Having childhood success stories is great, but we can keep on having success stories in our adulthood. Our training brings about incredible personal and community transformations. We are successfully disrupting patterns of abuse. We are successfully keeping kids safe.

Success, accomplishment, and achievement. Ready for you to experience.

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