Is My Public School a Cult?

I recently watched the HBO Series, The Vow, a fascinating look at the cult, NXIVM. Despite the series documenting a current high-profile legal outcome, when I started watching the first episode, I did not know anything about this cult and the criminal charges that played out. 

There are mixed reviews about the series, but there is no doubt that it was compelling. An incredible amount of insider video footage was available, and many people involved spoke openly about the group and the slippery slope that led to horrific abuses.
 
The word cult might evoke some ‘far-off’ and ‘unlikely’ sentiments for most of us, but in my work with abuse and the impacts of abuse, I am aware of how precarious our belief systems are.
 
It’s easy to watch the series and wonder how these people became convinced that one person’s views and perspectives were right, while everyone else was wrong. Imagine being convinced that doing harm to someone is actually a good thing? 
 
But, is it that hard to imagine?
 
We do all kinds of things that don’t make sense and yet we hold on to our beliefs and are unwilling to waver. 
 
Look at how long it took for people to accept the truth that smoking cigarettes causes cancer and is bad for our health. Smoking was acceptable and it was seen everywhere. In homes, on television, in movies, in schools, on airplanes… people smoked all the time and everywhere.
 
The evidence existed that smoking was harmful, but it took an incredible effort and many years of campaigning to help people change our beliefs and then finally our behaviour.
 
Sure, a sex cult seems extreme. But doesn’t inhaling cancer also seem extreme?
 
People and our beliefs are susceptible to influence. A charismatic leader can be compelling and convincing.
 
I am sympathetic to those who were affected by a cult leader who took extreme measures to ostracize and punish anyone who spoke against him.
 
Frighteningly, I started to notice some parallels between some of the tactics I observed watching this series, and some of the behaviours I see in my community.
 
Is my local public school a cult?
 
Well, it doesn’t meet a standard definition. But there are some very compelling similarities between what I watched in The Vow, and what I am experiencing in my public school community.
 
The first thing that caught my attention was that NXIVM members who spoke against the leader faced the threat of being ostracized and removed from the community. Critical thinking was highly discouraged. Questioning what the leader wanted would result in being shamed and losing access to family and friends who were NXIVM members.
 
The fear of losing community is powerful.
 
It got me thinking about all the anonymous conversations I’ve had with concerned adults over the past decade.
 
For example, 5 years ago I volunteered at my local public school. A male teacher made an offensive and sexist remark to me, and a student disclosed that the teacher had touched another student. 
 
Over the next few weeks, I heard countless stories about this teacher. All anonymously. Nobody wanted to come forward to the school.
 
I spoke to one parent who said that they already had previously ‘rocked the boat’ (by advocating for their child) and was worried about backlash. This parent did not want to support me in coming forward because of fear of losing access to their community.
 
I spoke to another parent who said that these incidents that I described did not make them want to take the risk of coming forward. They didn’t explain what they thought the risk was, but I believe that their fear was losing access to community.
 
Multiple adults spoke to me about incidents that had been happening for years. But none of the adults wanted to pursue official channels.
 
After watching The Vow, I saw these strong similarities. Does my local public school support critical thinking? Are caregivers encouraged to have opinions and provide feedback about what kind of care our children receive? 
 
Or are we expected to fall in line and support what is being done unquestioningly? Does questioning the authority mean risking removal from community?
 
Keep in mind that many members of NXIVM were able to participate in the organization’s self improvement programs without becoming ensnared in the cult trap of the inner circle of leadership.
 
Just because some families are navigating public school without encountering harm, doesn’t mean that everyone is.
 
Last week I witnessed 3 different parents speak about concerns with their local school. One parent spoke with me personally. One parent was featured in an article in The Chronicle Herald discussing their children’s lack of access to appropriate reading support. One parent was interviewed on a CBC radio show.
 
All 3 parents shielded their names from being used for fear of backlash against themselves and their children.
 
Is the risk of losing community real? I say it is.
 
As a person who did come forward, I can attest that the risk is real and significant. After I reported to school officials what I had witnessed, school communication with me ceased. The school principal heard my concerns and then never contacted me again.
 
After weeks of waiting for a response, I learned that there would be no response. 
 
I decided that if we were all going to pretend nothing had occurred, I would return to my volunteer role.
 
Upon arrival I was told by the teacher in question that they had been instructed not to speak to me. 
 
Things were already uncomfortable, but I will say that it was a shock to have a teacher look me in the eyes and say, “I’ve been instructed not to speak to you” and then walk away. 
 
I suppose I could have stayed at the school event anyway, but my strength and determination does have its limits.
 
I was not welcome. 
 
I walked out of the school past 3 adult volunteers who knew about what had transpired and had chosen not to become involved.
 
The school didn’t have to work very hard to ostracize me. It was remarkably effortless on their part. The fact that I spoke up made other adults uncomfortable.
 
The school staff could have made an effort to resolve our interpersonal challenges, but instead they set the tone and showed everyone that they could just ignore me, and pretend nothing had happened.
 
And that is what they have done.
 
So when people say that they don’t want to use their names, and they want to be anonymous. I get it. The risk is real.
 
I wish that was the only similarity I noticed between the NXIVM cult and my local public school.
 
NXIVM is often described as a sex cult. 
 
Sex and sexual abuse are often a part of cults.
 
It really isn’t too much of a stretch to say that sexual abuse is often a part of public schools. A CBC survey found that 15% of female students report having experienced sexual abuse by another student. Most recently, the Canadian Centre for Child Protection has released a report with data about sexual offenses committed against children by school personnel.

We know that 34% of children are sexually abused by age 18 and schools are where most children spend a significant amount of their time.
 
Not every NXIVM member experienced sexual abuse or violations. But some did.
 
Not every student in a public school is sexually abused. But way too many are.
 
It took a lot of coordinated effort to bring NXIVM down. Some people who left the organization spent decades dealing with the backlash, while trying to alert others to the dangers. Decades.

Our public schools may not be cults. But there are far too many similarities that protect schools from critical thinkers and put students at risk of sexual abuse.
 
Just because some administrators are amazing, and some teachers are awesome, and some students thrive, does not mean that everything is okay.
 
34% of children being sexually abused by age 18 is not okay.
 
15% of female students being sexually abused by another student is not okay.
 
NXIVM was shut down and their collection of self-help curriculum has been confiscated. Even though some people involved with the organization describe their experiences as positive, overall the harm outweighed the good.
 
At Priority Kids, we are excited to bring training and policy support to schools because we know that the majority of educators and administrators care deeply about children and their wellbeing.
 
When organizations put response policies in place, interpersonal challenges can be occasions for growth and improvement. When we have training and guidelines, we can approach differences and conflict with confidence.
 
When policies are in place, and training has been provided, we can work together to find creative solutions that build up our community. 
 
Confronting sexual abuse and unwanted behaviours are empowering acts of resilience that help us grow as individuals and as community.
 
Policies to protect children from sexual abuse, and training so that adults feel confident to respond is the key to our growth.
 
Our campaign to protect children will be no less difficult than the efforts needed to convince a population that smoking is bad. We’ve made great gains in that regard, and we can expect similar results when we put our minds to protecting children.
 
Will you join us on our mission to eradicate childhood sexual abuse? Let’s take a step together. 
 
Apply now to ‘Walk the Talk’ with us. Our free program will help your organization to assess the policies and practices you have in place and we’ll offer suggestions for taking your next steps to better protect children.

Together, we can prevent child sexual abuse and build a community where no one would ever wonder if their public school is a cult.