Break Gender Role Bias with THIS Best Practice

Best Practices that keep kids safe from sexual abuse are the same tools we need to confront gender bias habits that harm children and their communities.

When organizations implement a Code of Conduct to help protect children from sexual abuse, they now have a powerful tool to affect community development and change.

Sure, preventing child sexual abuse on its own is a pretty good reason to implement a Code of Conduct. But, keeping kids safe from sexual abuse is not the only benefit.

A good Code of Conduct accurately describes how adults will treat children and what adult behaviours are acceptable.

It will also describe behaviours that are unacceptable.

Without a Code of Conduct that describes acceptable and unacceptable behaviours, how can we be sure that other adults will treat our children the way we want them to be treated?

Without a Code of Conduct, how do people know what to do if they witness or learn of adult behaviour that is unwanted?

Without a Code of Conduct, we are left to ‘assume’ that people will behave in a way that is acceptable to each of us.

And you know what they say about assuming.

A rant showed up in my scroll yesterday and it caught my attention because it is an example of a problem that nobody is connecting to child sexual abuse.

The author of the rant sounded horrified. And hurt. And frustrated.

And wondering, how was this allowed to happen?

The ranter’s child came home from school after picture day, upset about the way the photographers gendered the children’s poses.

Girls had one pose.

Boys had another pose.

And you know, that probably wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow 20 years ago, but this is 2022. These children are growing up learning to be gender respectful and inclusive. They know the 2SLGBTQ+ alphabet and they understand what every letter stands for.

Imagine the confusion for these gender-inclusive kids who watched the photographers trying to assign gender to their classmates. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and upsetting for the ranter’s child (as well as other children, based on comments on the post).

Understandably, the ranter is upset.

The photographers put children in a position where they might experience humiliation or trauma by being forced to pick a gender (on the spot, and in front of their classmates).

And now, kids who might have been mis-gendered are stuck with a photo of that moment when they weren’t seen for who they are.

But let’s be honest, our conversations about gender identity are in their infancy.

We can’t assume that everyone who comes into our schools, or our youth-serving organizations, have progressive and inclusive beliefs.

And we can’t assume that people with inclusive and progressive beliefs have overcome the entrenched biases that we all have.

And that is why a Code of Conduct is a beautiful Best Practice.

Because all it takes is for the leaders of an organization to make sure that the code of conduct contains a statement that addresses gender bias. Something like this,

“Adults who are looking after children in our organization will not assume children’s gender and will avoid creating situations where children are forced to choose or declare their gender. For example, children will not be asked to make groups, or line up, based on gender”.

Imagine if adults coming into schools had to agree to (and sign) the organization’s Code of Conduct.

Imagine if the photographers had read a statement, like the sample above, and had agreed to uphold that statement.

Would they still have put children in poses based on whatever gender the photographers guessed was correct?

Maybe not.

And even if the photographers read the statement, signed it, and still put kids in gendered poses, with a Code of Conduct, those kids might have been empowered to say,

“that’s not allowed”

Or, maybe the other adults would have noticed the problem and recognized that they should intervene.

The school officials could remind the photographers that they agreed not to ask children to do something based on their gender.

And if the photographers don’t change their ways? Then they have violated the Code of Conduct and the school can maintain a record that this photography company will not be selected to return to the school.

With a Code of Conduct:

• Children are taught what to expect from adults

• Adults know when they should intervene

• Harmful behaviours are addressed

A lot of us are not used to seeing a Code of Conduct being used to protect children, and without experience, it is easy to shrug this off as something that people wouldn’t pay attention to.

This HAS to be something that people pay attention to. It’s CRITICAL for keeping kids safe.

Some people think that documents like this are a waste of time. A lot of us are cynical about making effective change. Understandably.

Many people have been through staff trainings that didn’t result in change, programs that didn’t solve problems, and systems that don’t seem to budge.

Making change is hard to do.

And for that reason, many people won’t bother with a Code of Conduct because they think it isn’t worth their time. They think it won’t result in change.

And that is a possibility. If an organization puts together a Code of Conduct and then checks that box and never looks back, it will be ineffective.

A good Code of Conduct is something that is revisited, referred to, and reflected on regularly.

Everyone in the organization, from children and caregivers, to staff, volunteers, leadership and board members, everyone should know the Code of Conduct.

Nobody should have privileges in any youth-serving organization if they haven’t agreed to abide by the Code of Conduct.

Having a document that describes what is acceptable, and what is not acceptable gives everyone in the organization some guidelines that help us know what to do when we don’t know what to do.

The parent who is upset about the gender poses wants people to let the schools know that this isn’t acceptable.

I have plenty of experience letting schools know when unacceptable things have transpired, and I’ve seen that schools don’t have procedures in place to guide them.

They aren’t equipped to respond to complaints like this.

A Code of Conduct creates the procedure that helps school staff respond to individual circumstances.

School staff can look at the situation and look at the Code of Conduct and see if it has been breached or violated.

If it has, respond.

If it hasn’t, consider whether the Code of Conduct should be updated.

Implementing a Code of Conduct is a powerful act of protecting children, building community, and transforming our culture.

At Priority Kids, we work with organizations to help implement Best Practices that Keep kids safe from sexual abuse so that we can keep kids safe from gender bias harms.

For support with your Code of Conduct, contact us.

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