When I Didn't Know
Like most people who are concerned with getting kids to school on time, organizing summer activities, making healthy/edible lunches, registering for extra-curriculars, finding child care, and paying bills, there was a time when keeping kids safe from sexual abuse was not on my mind.
Back when I was known as the ‘diaper lady,’ I had a lovely business selling reusable diapers. I met all kinds of families and was immersed in the concerns of caregivers.
Breast/bottle/co sleeping/car seats/BPA/glass/plastic/cognitive development…
if parents were thinking about it, I got to know about it.
We hosted a healthy and vibrant play group where I met some of the most interesting and engaged families. But childhood sexual abuse was never mentioned. Certainly not by me. Because I just didn’t know.
Silence.
That is the real enemy of our cause here at Priority Kids. Our mission is to eradicate childhood sexual abuse and we know that silence about this issue makes it difficult for people to hear our message.
When I addressed a high school principal at a community meeting for parents, I asked the question “what do you have in place to keep our kids safe from sexual abuse”.
The principal replied, “no one has asked that question before”.
I go back to the statistic that 34% of children experience sexual abuse.
34% of children experience this harm, and he had never before heard the question, ‘what is in place to protect children from sexual abuse?’
Schools have a procedure to respond to wild animals on the property. When children go on field trips caregivers are asked to sign 4-page waivers that list risks such as, ‘no cell service, uneven ground, cracks in pavement’.
The risk of child sexual abuse is not mentioned. Even though it is a HUGE risk.
Later in the school year, when I witnessed some concerning behaviour and brought it to the attention of the principal, that same principal told me that responding to questionable behaviour between a male teacher and female students was ‘above his pay grade’.
Lack of cell service? Check. Plan in place.
Wild animals on the property? Check. Lock down practised.
Potential perpetrator of sexual abuse? Silence.
There was a time when I didn’t know that the risk of sexual abuse was so high for children. I hired babysitters without wondering if they would sexually abuse children. I utilized child-care centres without thinking about how those centres screened out abusers or minimized the risks.
I just didn’t know.
When I didn’t know, I would not have asked the question, ‘what do you have in place to protect children from sexual abuse?’.
But now I do know.
I have worked with adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and the more we talk, the more I come to believe that 34% is a gross underestimate.
I speak publicly about childhood sexual abuse and after each talk people come forward to share their stories. And the more stories that are shared, the more I am convicted that this silent pandemic must be addressed.
We can all be excused and forgiven for not knowing about this risk that children grow up with. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and we know that most children don’t tell about being abused.
When we don’t know about the problem, we can’t respond to the problem.
But the wheel is squeaky. Our mental health, physical health, social isolation, addiction to screens/food/alcohol/substances all cries out for us to stop and pay attention.
It’s time to notice the noise.
We know about the risks that children face.
These risks have been documented and the statistics have been shared over and over again.
Catholic priests, scout leaders, ski coaches, gymnastic team doctor’s, football coaches, principals, teachers. These stories of sexual abuse barely evoke shock or surprise, because they are expected.
These risks have been documented and the statistics have been shared over and over again.
Advocates do their best to make progress, but this is not a problem that requires a few people.
This is a challenge that requires all people.
It is time for all of us to take action. It is time to make protecting children from sexual abuse our top priority.
That’s why we created Priority Kids. Our training and advocacy company is here to provide staff and volunteer training so that organizations will better understand the risks that children face.
We offer solutions that are manageable and surprisingly simple and cost-effective to implement. Because a world without childhood sexual abuse is possible. It needs to be our priority.
How does your youth-serving organization protect children from sexual abuse? What steps do you take to keep children safe? Are your staff and volunteers armed with the knowledge they need to keep kids safe from sexual abuse?
Register to Walk the Talk with Priority Kids and let us help plan your next steps to protect children.
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If the content of this article causes you distress or discomfort, please seek support.
Where to get help in Nova Scotia
Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868