Lessons Lost in Silence - Priority Kids

Have you ever heard someone tell a story that contained a nugget of wisdom that landed with a jolt? Maybe it was something that you just needed to hear, or something that just stuck with you. A lesson that you took away from someone else’s experience. A potential mistake that you will be able to avoid. A good decision that you will be equipped to make.

There are some things that we can learn without the lived experience. But we must hear about the experience of others if we are to gain that wisdom.

If I trip and fall because of a broken step, and I don’t tell anyone about it, there is a good chance that someone else will trip on the same broken step. BUT, if I report the broken step to whomever is responsible for maintaining those steps, there is at least a chance that someone will make the repair so that other people will not have the same accident.

This is why the silence around child sexual abuse is so dangerous. How can we gain wisdom, learn lessons, or avoid future mistakes if we never hear about the circumstances that have occurred? How can we protect others from the same fate if we never share or hear about child sexual abuse when it occurs?

If someone falls because of a broken step, there is a good chance that other people will fall as well. The solution is relatively simple. Fix the step.

But with childhood sexual abuse, feelings of shame, embarrassment, uncertainty, and the impact of trauma, makes it exceedingly difficult to discern a clear and logical solution that will help others to avoid the same injury. With a broken step, we can see that the problem is a broken step. But what was the problem that caused an instance of childhood sexual abuse? What went wrong that caused it to occur?

It\’s common enough for people to blame the perpetrator. That\’s fair and reasonable. The perpetrator committed the abuse. But HOW are perpetrators finding it so easy to harm so many? 34% of children in Canada are the victims of sexual abuse. That\’s a lot. How are perpetrators able to gain access and cause harm at this scale?

Silence.

Silence is the reason that childhood sexual abuse continues to affect 34% of children in Canada.

Most people do not want to hear about childhood sexual abuse. It\’s uncomfortable for people to think about the deviant behaviour of perpetrators. It\’s painful to consider the harm inflicted on children. We\’ve made it easy to avoid the topic. Social media algorithms reject the words ‘childhood sexual abuse’ regardless of the prevention context. Advocates who want to raise awareness must find ways to work around the algorithms that force us to avoid using direct language to address childhood sexual abuse. And offline, the shame and inadequacy we feel around this topic encourages the silence to persist.

Lessons Lost in Silence.

Recently the news cycle in Nova Scotia has been sharing details about charges laid against a University Professor and former Anglican Priest that date back decades.

The details of silenced suspicions and missing reports are not even remotely surprising to any person who has paid any attention to the way in which humans react to childhood sexual abuse.

Lessons Learned? No. It seems that people worked very hard to keep this professors’ status intact. His academic influence and career was unimpaired despite ongoing complaints and concerns. Children continued to be at risk of harm.

One recent article reported that, many years ago, a university security guard witnessed the professor engaged in inappropriate activity with a minor. The security guard reported it to administration and then his written account went missing and no action was taken to address the event.

While the newspaper article went on to discuss many other details, we’d like to take a FULL STOP.

This is where we have an opportunity to learn a lesson. This story has come out of the silence, so let’s look at it and learn.

The security guard reported what he witnessed to administration. And maybe, in that decade, that was the right thing to do.

But today, we have a rule. A law. A duty, to report. And it is not a duty to report to administration.

Everyone has the duty to immediately report to a child welfare agency even a suspicion…
https://novascotia.ca/coms/families/abuse/index.html

That’s right, even a suspicion.

You do not need to have proof. You don’t need to be certain. But if you have even the slightest thought, feeling or instinct that a child may need protection, you have a DUTY to report to a child welfare agency.

A Lesson we Need to Learn

This is an important nugget of wisdom that could make a difference in the life of a child.

Reporting a concern to a child welfare agency is not synonymous with making an accusation. The child welfare agency is tasked with the responsibility of deciding if an investigation should occur, and then THEY decide if the child needs protection.

Our duty is to report suspicions. Their job is to document, investigate and make a conclusion.

As we heard in this particular instance, reporting to an administrator did not result in a child being protected.

We heard this same thing with Catholic Priests who were moved between parishes but not investigated. We heard this same thing with Boy Scout leaders that were protected by their organization. Failing to report to a child welfare agency is old news.

It is time to learn this lesson.

Everyone has the duty to immediately report to a child welfare agency even a suspicion…
https://novascotia.ca/coms/families/abuse/index.html

Have you ever heard of something coming to light and then people say things like, “I always knew something wasn’t right.”?

If you have a SUSPICION, it is your duty to report.

I have no doubt that the security guard did not know this. It may not have been the case in those days. But it is the case now. And it’s important that we share this nugget of wisdom so that we can keep kids safe.

Your suspicion may not result in an investigation. But it might. A child may not be in actual danger. But she might.

When you report your suspicion, you might be the first to make a report regarding the child or the adult in question. Or maybe your suspicion will be one of many, and because of you, the welfare agency will take an action that they wouldn’t have taken before.

You are not making an accusation. You are reporting a suspicion. And each of us has the duty to make this report to a child welfare agency.

Please help us keep kids safe by sharing this lesson with adults who work with and around kids.

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Where to get help in Nova Scotia

Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868

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